morphogenesis (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
morphogenesis) wrote2019-08-04 04:35 am
morphogenesis) wrote2019-08-04 04:35 am
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[Daffodil Like Yourself] Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Rain swept in overnight and was still going now, at noon. Junpei found Akane by the large window overlooking the water, hands to the glass and leaning closer like the thin gray line separating sky and sea held a secret. She didn't hear him, and he went to tickle the back of her neck but his wedding ring caught on his jacket pocket lining and he grumbled. She turned her head towards him, smiled thinly, and returned to the water.
He came up beside her and noticed her jeweled hairpin sat on her head crooked. He gently readjusted it and smoothed flyaways down, then put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned against him and put her arm around his waist, kissed his jawline. They were so quiet that the music from the party followed them from doors away; he never liked parties and shouldn't have been surprised that his wedding reception was no exception. He just didn't expect Akane to be the first to slip out.
"Uh, sorry," he said.
"Why?"
"I'm...not sure. You just seem off so it's never a bad idea to apologize."
She pinched the flesh above his hip. "Oh, stop, I'm just thinking."
"You, daydream? Never." He squeezed her. "I guess this isn't what we wanted, y'know?" It was nine months post-Baltimore to the day, and they just got married. After the failed Baltimore operation, rehab, and tough integration with Bluebird he thought he could keep going, but when Akane asked why he'd stopped sleeping and never quit working the first thing he said was, "I wanna get married."
He all but fell on her on the bed and words sloshed out like beer—he really thought he'd never see any of them again, and for the first time he admitted to himself that he couldn't stand never getting the chance to be her husband. Well, what he really said was slurred, "What are we waiting for? I don't wanna have to go through another history just to find another you to marry."
Here they were in a foreign hotel, Akane looking pretty in her dress, bearing a new hairpin Diana gifted her and a four-leaf clover bookmark tucked into her bodice. Their friends were there: Phi, Diana, and Sigma firing confetti cannons they snuck in; Carlos and Maria giving a standing ovation; Seven doggedly trying to roll himself down the aisle before finally letting Lotus and her daughters push him to Junpei's side. Aoi walked Akane down the aisle and gave her a long kiss on the cheek before sitting next to Lotus, the two nudging each other out for space.
"No, it just means we need to make a new goal. You were right—I only ever wanted to wear a ring," Akane said.
He held up his right arm and pressed his hand to the window, thumb and forefinger crooked at an angle. He grabbed her left hand and arranged it so their fingers made a triangle. "This is a viewfinder. What do you see through it?"
"A ghost ship."
"Really? I just see a bunch of clouds."
"No, the prow's just over the horizon, you don't see?"
"Oh," he chuckled. "There by the port, and all the people on deck look exhausted."
"But happy they went on the journey."
"Maybe they found something we've never even thought of."
"They must have. So you know what else I see?"
"Aliens?"
"And our future." She nodded to the water. "We're sailing far into unknown waters and we won't know when we've found what we're looking for, but here we go."
He rested his head on hers and looked through the triangle of their hands, picturing a thousand different futures. At least in this one they were side-by-side. "Here we go."
**
Seven was good at transferring his hefty self from wheelchair to dining chair. "Thought you two turned down the invite?"
Clover stirred her drink before spearing the cherry at the bottom and eating it off the end of the stirrer. The cherry was sour, a tiny vodka-infused bomb. "I wanted to see their faces when we actually came." She and Light arrived an hour into the reception proper for the food; she had no stomach right now to watch someone else's happiness when she'd felt gray and numb and alone for months. She watched Sigma dancing (and laughing when he stumbled through the steps) with a redhead who was apparently his fiancee and in the far corner Lotus helping the blonde girl wheedle her own brother away from the table.
"Where's your brother?"
"Not here." The cherry tart was mushy too, and the flan sweating. Mama never would've thrown a party this sad. Everyone else here was having a good time, she thought, but how? "Is Lotus still mad at you?"
He scowled. "What's it to you?"
“I overheard you guys talking. You’re loud.” She and Light had hidden around the corner from Seven and Lotus’ brief argument in the entrance hall, listening to what was clearly a long-standing point of contention:
"Oh, forget it, who wants to marry you anyway?"
"I told you—" Lotus began but was cut off by Seven.
"I know, I know. It doesn't matter."
"Self-pity doesn't suit you—" Lotus said, ending with what must’ve been his real name. Clover didn't even think of him as having one.
"I noticed 'Nanami' wasn't in the latest detective story. She's way cooler than Todo, so they must be modeled after you and Lotus." The recurring heroines who popped up to either agitate or pursue the Detective Brothers in equal measure were obvious stand-ins for Lotus and Akane. Clover had a lot of time to explore the series in the past few months, while Light had covered his ears and implored her to stop listening to the audiobook versions.
Seven didn't answer her; his eyes were on Lotus, now cornered by her daughters at the other side of the room. Lotus looked affronted and glanced back and forth between them, but they kept pressing her until she threw up her hands and shook her head.
Nona noticed Seven watching and left despite Lotus' mouthed protest. "Don't hide over here, come dance with me and Ennea." She winked and stuck her tongue out at him. "You have three dates here." She grabbed his hand and pulled on him, making exaggerated noises like it took all her effort. "Clover, talk to him. It's rude to abandon all these ladies."
Clover smiled gently; she really liked Ennea, and Nona was nice the brief time they’d met at the initial SOIS meeting. Clover hadn’t had a chance to see them again until today. She stood and linked arms with Nona. "Who needs him?"
"True!" She gently hip-checked her. "And can you imagine him dancing?"
"It's more terrifying than you know," Lotus said behind them. Her arms were folded but her gaze affectionate. "But no stealing my date, girls. Shoo." She waved them off and took Clover's seat.
Clover looked back as she left with Nona and couldn't miss the way Seven leaned toward Lotus like she was the sun. Lotus put a hand on his arm and nodded as he started talking.
Ennea met them in the center of the dance floor and both twins wrapped their arms around Clover, praising her extensions and new makeup and dress. Clover hugged Ennea's neck, tears leaking and happiness exploding in her like a star gone supernova. Like something had died to make room for something greater. She wasn’t lonely right now.
**
Akane was AWOL at her own wedding because of course she was; she was some unnamed cloud formation with a will of her own. Aoi figured it was an excuse to hide in the lounge in peace, drink in hand. He sat at the far end of the couch facing the window. The lounge was dim with inset lights over the bar, and was a perfect place to be alone. The rain picked up and assaulted the glass in a sheet, making pleasant white noise. Not like the kind he heard when he tried to hear anything from Akane. When he felt like he’d been force-fed steel wool and was bleeding internally because she just looked at him sadly and said they’d try again later.
Light came in and sat down on the opposite end of the sofa, ruining Aoi’s hope for a quiet moment.
Aoi squeezed the glass tumbler, glad the pain wasn’t so bad today. “You should’ve stayed at work.”
“I was invited,” Light said blandly, extending his left arm palm-up. Aoi left him hanging until he huffed and touched around the table for the liquor bottle and served his own drink. “At least I assume that must have been her idea.”
He sipped his drink and let the burn sit in his mouth for a long moment. “You bet.” The last time they’d been in the same room they’d been ejected for fighting over the granular details of a plan, and the feelings were still hard. “She likes you two.” Aoi swirled his glass so the ice cubes rattled in it to make a noise Light found particularly obnoxious. In English, Light called him a child under his breath. “Better a kid than a jackass,” Aoi replied in the same language.
“Speaking of,” Light began with more fondness in his voice than he ever had when he spoke to Aoi, “how inebriated is your new brother-in-law?”
“I dunno. Would you believe they bailed on their own reception?” Akane had obsessed over a dozen plates of tiny delicate sweets from four different countries’ cuisines, cost them a mint, and now wasn’t around to enjoy them. He was gonna have fun reconciling that with their accountant next week.
“That...actually sounds perfectly like them.”
“I know,” Aoi laughed. “Clover’s gonna be worse at her wedding.”
Light nearly choked on his drink before recovering (but not soon enough to stop Aoi from snorting at him). “She’s not getting married.”
“Because you won’t let her?”
“Because nobody is good enough for her.”
He whistled. “Ho-ly shit. And they tease the blond one about being a siscon.” He rattled the ice some more until Light cleared his throat and scowled. Aoi used to only care about the reaction behind that face and getting under his skin; now he just liked that expression on this person.
“If this is your attempt at asking for her hand the answer is no.”
“Yeah, not the Field I’m into.”
“And where are they?”
Aoi set his drink down and turned to face the other. “Nowhere to be found here.” Even really delicate movements hurt on bad days, and when he reached over and walked two fingers up Light’s neck painful tingles started in his wrist. When he didn’t hear any harp music on a given day he knew it would be a bad one; Light would be in a mood because he’d lost the strength for fine motor skills that day. One, two, three problems in common. What would number four be? “So you’ll do."
They met in the middle for the kiss. Jesus Christ, how was Light’s skin always so cold? When he brought both hands to Aoi’s neck and dug in his thumbs like he was trying to pull out his hyoid bone, squeezing the air out of him with their lips still together, he felt little bubbles popping on the surface of his brain, obliterating any other thoughts. Light was the only person who’d ever choked him hard enough, like he meant it, and Aoi didn’t linger on the implication.
They weren’t in Federal Hill, or on a ship, but they were still in a world of water as the rain soldiered on outside and inside he liked to picture that for a moment he could hear thoughts again as their edges blurred together.
He deepened the kiss, reaching up and putting a hand in the other’s hair as the pressure eased off his neck. He felt his tie loosen. He didn’t expect to end his sister’s wedding having sex in a lounge off the main reception hall. He wouldn’t complain, though.
**
Light acquiesced when Akane and Junpei returned and wanted a photo with him; Clover complied but clearly wasn’t happy about it. He kissed the top of her head as thanks for being diplomatic, though she did pose with Junpei separately. The newly married couple pushed Aoi to take photos with the Fields as well. It was no longer uncomfortable to be in his presence, even familiar actually.
It wasn’t until they were done taking photos that Aoi informed him his shirt was haphazardly buttoned after their earlier escapade.
“Really?” Clover said loud enough for others to turn.
Light offered to kill him quickly now as opposed to a slow death later.
Aoi laughed at him.
Later at the bar everyone continued the party; guests dropped off slowly. Seven left earliest with Lotus, the two being very amiable (and he suspected amorous, with Clover’s gossip he had an idea what had happened between them); Sigma, who hugged Clover goodbye, and his coterie (‘Blech,’ Clover responded when Light teased her); Clover trailed off, dragged away by the Kashiwabara twins who insisted they couldn’t return to the room they shared with their mother; someone named Carlos, a friend of Junpei and Akane’s, and his sister who kissed both of their cheeks goodbye; and finally Junpei and Akane themselves.
Aoi grunted as they both trapped him in a hug, and Akane said tipsily, “Niiiiichaaaan remember to go to bed.”
“Drink lots of water,” he chided her, and then to Junpei, “Make sure you both do.”
“Are you their brother or their mother?” Light asked.
“Both,” Junpei and Akane said at the same time and both laughed.
Then it was just the two of them at the bar, definitely after midnight and the bartender quietly asking if they needed a cab home. Aoi called Light an old lady because he was drinking an Old Fashioned; Light extended his hand and said, “I need a cigarette.”
“I don’t have one.”
“I know you haven’t quit smoking.”
Aoi sighed and retrieved one; Light heard the snap of a cigarette case opening and shutting and was unsurprised Aoi felt the need to have style at all times. “It’s your fault.”
They left the bar via a side door and stood in an alley like they had almost a year ago, him smoking and Aoi tapping his shoe against the concrete. Finally he gave in and lit up himself. “So, Daffodil-3,” Aoi said.
“I’m Carbon.”
“Sure you are. So what do you think of this new social order we created?”
“Technically Vonnegut created it, but I agree we made it work. Why do you ask? It’s not like you to fish for approval.”
“Hardly. I guess I’m still trying to figure this out.” The smell of smoke grew stronger as Aoi stepped closer to him.
Light debated what he wanted to say, avoiding intimacy but also avoiding indirectness for once. “I don’t regret it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes.” He pushed the wrist holding Aoi’s cigarette aside and leaned over to kiss him, smiling against his mouth when he felt Aoi’s face scrunch with surprise. Light didn’t say, ‘It gave me some peace,’ but he meant it. He thought in a way letting go of the grudges set himself free. He didn’t want to hate anymore.
If Aoi asked him tomorrow morning, Light would blame the alcohol.
Rain swept in overnight and was still going now, at noon. Junpei found Akane by the large window overlooking the water, hands to the glass and leaning closer like the thin gray line separating sky and sea held a secret. She didn't hear him, and he went to tickle the back of her neck but his wedding ring caught on his jacket pocket lining and he grumbled. She turned her head towards him, smiled thinly, and returned to the water.
He came up beside her and noticed her jeweled hairpin sat on her head crooked. He gently readjusted it and smoothed flyaways down, then put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned against him and put her arm around his waist, kissed his jawline. They were so quiet that the music from the party followed them from doors away; he never liked parties and shouldn't have been surprised that his wedding reception was no exception. He just didn't expect Akane to be the first to slip out.
"Uh, sorry," he said.
"Why?"
"I'm...not sure. You just seem off so it's never a bad idea to apologize."
She pinched the flesh above his hip. "Oh, stop, I'm just thinking."
"You, daydream? Never." He squeezed her. "I guess this isn't what we wanted, y'know?" It was nine months post-Baltimore to the day, and they just got married. After the failed Baltimore operation, rehab, and tough integration with Bluebird he thought he could keep going, but when Akane asked why he'd stopped sleeping and never quit working the first thing he said was, "I wanna get married."
He all but fell on her on the bed and words sloshed out like beer—he really thought he'd never see any of them again, and for the first time he admitted to himself that he couldn't stand never getting the chance to be her husband. Well, what he really said was slurred, "What are we waiting for? I don't wanna have to go through another history just to find another you to marry."
Here they were in a foreign hotel, Akane looking pretty in her dress, bearing a new hairpin Diana gifted her and a four-leaf clover bookmark tucked into her bodice. Their friends were there: Phi, Diana, and Sigma firing confetti cannons they snuck in; Carlos and Maria giving a standing ovation; Seven doggedly trying to roll himself down the aisle before finally letting Lotus and her daughters push him to Junpei's side. Aoi walked Akane down the aisle and gave her a long kiss on the cheek before sitting next to Lotus, the two nudging each other out for space.
"No, it just means we need to make a new goal. You were right—I only ever wanted to wear a ring," Akane said.
He held up his right arm and pressed his hand to the window, thumb and forefinger crooked at an angle. He grabbed her left hand and arranged it so their fingers made a triangle. "This is a viewfinder. What do you see through it?"
"A ghost ship."
"Really? I just see a bunch of clouds."
"No, the prow's just over the horizon, you don't see?"
"Oh," he chuckled. "There by the port, and all the people on deck look exhausted."
"But happy they went on the journey."
"Maybe they found something we've never even thought of."
"They must have. So you know what else I see?"
"Aliens?"
"And our future." She nodded to the water. "We're sailing far into unknown waters and we won't know when we've found what we're looking for, but here we go."
He rested his head on hers and looked through the triangle of their hands, picturing a thousand different futures. At least in this one they were side-by-side. "Here we go."
**
Seven was good at transferring his hefty self from wheelchair to dining chair. "Thought you two turned down the invite?"
Clover stirred her drink before spearing the cherry at the bottom and eating it off the end of the stirrer. The cherry was sour, a tiny vodka-infused bomb. "I wanted to see their faces when we actually came." She and Light arrived an hour into the reception proper for the food; she had no stomach right now to watch someone else's happiness when she'd felt gray and numb and alone for months. She watched Sigma dancing (and laughing when he stumbled through the steps) with a redhead who was apparently his fiancee and in the far corner Lotus helping the blonde girl wheedle her own brother away from the table.
"Where's your brother?"
"Not here." The cherry tart was mushy too, and the flan sweating. Mama never would've thrown a party this sad. Everyone else here was having a good time, she thought, but how? "Is Lotus still mad at you?"
He scowled. "What's it to you?"
“I overheard you guys talking. You’re loud.” She and Light had hidden around the corner from Seven and Lotus’ brief argument in the entrance hall, listening to what was clearly a long-standing point of contention:
"Oh, forget it, who wants to marry you anyway?"
"I told you—" Lotus began but was cut off by Seven.
"I know, I know. It doesn't matter."
"Self-pity doesn't suit you—" Lotus said, ending with what must’ve been his real name. Clover didn't even think of him as having one.
"I noticed 'Nanami' wasn't in the latest detective story. She's way cooler than Todo, so they must be modeled after you and Lotus." The recurring heroines who popped up to either agitate or pursue the Detective Brothers in equal measure were obvious stand-ins for Lotus and Akane. Clover had a lot of time to explore the series in the past few months, while Light had covered his ears and implored her to stop listening to the audiobook versions.
Seven didn't answer her; his eyes were on Lotus, now cornered by her daughters at the other side of the room. Lotus looked affronted and glanced back and forth between them, but they kept pressing her until she threw up her hands and shook her head.
Nona noticed Seven watching and left despite Lotus' mouthed protest. "Don't hide over here, come dance with me and Ennea." She winked and stuck her tongue out at him. "You have three dates here." She grabbed his hand and pulled on him, making exaggerated noises like it took all her effort. "Clover, talk to him. It's rude to abandon all these ladies."
Clover smiled gently; she really liked Ennea, and Nona was nice the brief time they’d met at the initial SOIS meeting. Clover hadn’t had a chance to see them again until today. She stood and linked arms with Nona. "Who needs him?"
"True!" She gently hip-checked her. "And can you imagine him dancing?"
"It's more terrifying than you know," Lotus said behind them. Her arms were folded but her gaze affectionate. "But no stealing my date, girls. Shoo." She waved them off and took Clover's seat.
Clover looked back as she left with Nona and couldn't miss the way Seven leaned toward Lotus like she was the sun. Lotus put a hand on his arm and nodded as he started talking.
Ennea met them in the center of the dance floor and both twins wrapped their arms around Clover, praising her extensions and new makeup and dress. Clover hugged Ennea's neck, tears leaking and happiness exploding in her like a star gone supernova. Like something had died to make room for something greater. She wasn’t lonely right now.
**
Akane was AWOL at her own wedding because of course she was; she was some unnamed cloud formation with a will of her own. Aoi figured it was an excuse to hide in the lounge in peace, drink in hand. He sat at the far end of the couch facing the window. The lounge was dim with inset lights over the bar, and was a perfect place to be alone. The rain picked up and assaulted the glass in a sheet, making pleasant white noise. Not like the kind he heard when he tried to hear anything from Akane. When he felt like he’d been force-fed steel wool and was bleeding internally because she just looked at him sadly and said they’d try again later.
Light came in and sat down on the opposite end of the sofa, ruining Aoi’s hope for a quiet moment.
Aoi squeezed the glass tumbler, glad the pain wasn’t so bad today. “You should’ve stayed at work.”
“I was invited,” Light said blandly, extending his left arm palm-up. Aoi left him hanging until he huffed and touched around the table for the liquor bottle and served his own drink. “At least I assume that must have been her idea.”
He sipped his drink and let the burn sit in his mouth for a long moment. “You bet.” The last time they’d been in the same room they’d been ejected for fighting over the granular details of a plan, and the feelings were still hard. “She likes you two.” Aoi swirled his glass so the ice cubes rattled in it to make a noise Light found particularly obnoxious. In English, Light called him a child under his breath. “Better a kid than a jackass,” Aoi replied in the same language.
“Speaking of,” Light began with more fondness in his voice than he ever had when he spoke to Aoi, “how inebriated is your new brother-in-law?”
“I dunno. Would you believe they bailed on their own reception?” Akane had obsessed over a dozen plates of tiny delicate sweets from four different countries’ cuisines, cost them a mint, and now wasn’t around to enjoy them. He was gonna have fun reconciling that with their accountant next week.
“That...actually sounds perfectly like them.”
“I know,” Aoi laughed. “Clover’s gonna be worse at her wedding.”
Light nearly choked on his drink before recovering (but not soon enough to stop Aoi from snorting at him). “She’s not getting married.”
“Because you won’t let her?”
“Because nobody is good enough for her.”
He whistled. “Ho-ly shit. And they tease the blond one about being a siscon.” He rattled the ice some more until Light cleared his throat and scowled. Aoi used to only care about the reaction behind that face and getting under his skin; now he just liked that expression on this person.
“If this is your attempt at asking for her hand the answer is no.”
“Yeah, not the Field I’m into.”
“And where are they?”
Aoi set his drink down and turned to face the other. “Nowhere to be found here.” Even really delicate movements hurt on bad days, and when he reached over and walked two fingers up Light’s neck painful tingles started in his wrist. When he didn’t hear any harp music on a given day he knew it would be a bad one; Light would be in a mood because he’d lost the strength for fine motor skills that day. One, two, three problems in common. What would number four be? “So you’ll do."
They met in the middle for the kiss. Jesus Christ, how was Light’s skin always so cold? When he brought both hands to Aoi’s neck and dug in his thumbs like he was trying to pull out his hyoid bone, squeezing the air out of him with their lips still together, he felt little bubbles popping on the surface of his brain, obliterating any other thoughts. Light was the only person who’d ever choked him hard enough, like he meant it, and Aoi didn’t linger on the implication.
They weren’t in Federal Hill, or on a ship, but they were still in a world of water as the rain soldiered on outside and inside he liked to picture that for a moment he could hear thoughts again as their edges blurred together.
He deepened the kiss, reaching up and putting a hand in the other’s hair as the pressure eased off his neck. He felt his tie loosen. He didn’t expect to end his sister’s wedding having sex in a lounge off the main reception hall. He wouldn’t complain, though.
**
Light acquiesced when Akane and Junpei returned and wanted a photo with him; Clover complied but clearly wasn’t happy about it. He kissed the top of her head as thanks for being diplomatic, though she did pose with Junpei separately. The newly married couple pushed Aoi to take photos with the Fields as well. It was no longer uncomfortable to be in his presence, even familiar actually.
It wasn’t until they were done taking photos that Aoi informed him his shirt was haphazardly buttoned after their earlier escapade.
“Really?” Clover said loud enough for others to turn.
Light offered to kill him quickly now as opposed to a slow death later.
Aoi laughed at him.
Later at the bar everyone continued the party; guests dropped off slowly. Seven left earliest with Lotus, the two being very amiable (and he suspected amorous, with Clover’s gossip he had an idea what had happened between them); Sigma, who hugged Clover goodbye, and his coterie (‘Blech,’ Clover responded when Light teased her); Clover trailed off, dragged away by the Kashiwabara twins who insisted they couldn’t return to the room they shared with their mother; someone named Carlos, a friend of Junpei and Akane’s, and his sister who kissed both of their cheeks goodbye; and finally Junpei and Akane themselves.
Aoi grunted as they both trapped him in a hug, and Akane said tipsily, “Niiiiichaaaan remember to go to bed.”
“Drink lots of water,” he chided her, and then to Junpei, “Make sure you both do.”
“Are you their brother or their mother?” Light asked.
“Both,” Junpei and Akane said at the same time and both laughed.
Then it was just the two of them at the bar, definitely after midnight and the bartender quietly asking if they needed a cab home. Aoi called Light an old lady because he was drinking an Old Fashioned; Light extended his hand and said, “I need a cigarette.”
“I don’t have one.”
“I know you haven’t quit smoking.”
Aoi sighed and retrieved one; Light heard the snap of a cigarette case opening and shutting and was unsurprised Aoi felt the need to have style at all times. “It’s your fault.”
They left the bar via a side door and stood in an alley like they had almost a year ago, him smoking and Aoi tapping his shoe against the concrete. Finally he gave in and lit up himself. “So, Daffodil-3,” Aoi said.
“I’m Carbon.”
“Sure you are. So what do you think of this new social order we created?”
“Technically Vonnegut created it, but I agree we made it work. Why do you ask? It’s not like you to fish for approval.”
“Hardly. I guess I’m still trying to figure this out.” The smell of smoke grew stronger as Aoi stepped closer to him.
Light debated what he wanted to say, avoiding intimacy but also avoiding indirectness for once. “I don’t regret it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes.” He pushed the wrist holding Aoi’s cigarette aside and leaned over to kiss him, smiling against his mouth when he felt Aoi’s face scrunch with surprise. Light didn’t say, ‘It gave me some peace,’ but he meant it. He thought in a way letting go of the grudges set himself free. He didn’t want to hate anymore.
If Aoi asked him tomorrow morning, Light would blame the alcohol.